R.I.P., Ted

Ted Kennedy

"The Lion of the Senate"

1932-2009

"The more our feelings diverge, the more deeply felt they are, the greater is our obligation to grant the sincerity and essential decency of our fellow citizens on the other side. . . .

...

In short, I hope for an America where neither "fundamentalist" nor "humanist" will be a dirty word, but a fair description of the different ways in which people of good will look at life and into their own souls.

...

I hope for an America where no president, no public official, no individual will ever be deemed a greater or lesser American because of religious doubt -- or religious belief.I hope for an America where the power of faith will always burn brightly, but where no modern inquisition of any kind will ever light the fires of fear, coercion, or angry division.

...

I hope for an America where we can all contend freely and vigorously, but where we will treasure and guard those standards of civility which alone make this nation safe for both democracy and diversity."

...

-TK, 1983

Coolest Thing Ever...? PERHAPS.

GOGOL BORDELLO - LIVE FROM AXIS MUNDI

Releases October 6

This is cool on a number of levels:

A) Because it's a concert DVD and I LOVE concert DVDs.

2) Because there are few live bands on the planet more thrilling than Gogol Bordello, and...

D) Because we were THERE.

-

Irving Plaza, July 2007. The Missus' and my first ever Gogol show. Captured for eternity. Feel like we should have a viewing party and give the home theater system a genuine workout. I apologize to our neighbors in advance...

Had Enough/Can't Get Enough - Revival Edition

This feature - originally designed to come in weekly installments - last appeared in September of '08 (and before that, April of '07). I am a complete and total slacker.

Here's a rundown of my hits and misses for this week...

HAD ENOUGH

• Humidity. - I KNOW it's been the mildest summer we've had in years, but that doesn't make my armpits any less sticky. L.A. spoiled me.
• Pandering to right-wingers in order to come up with a bi-partisan (" ") health care bill. It's never going to happen without the end result turning into some bullshit, milquetoasty, Frankenstein piece of legislation that doesn't address the people who are struggling under the current setup and ultimately fails because it tries to serve two masters. The American people voted definitively for CHANGE. The guy who wins the election gets to set the agenda. Time to stop giving lip service to the flat-earthers and GET THE FUCK ON WITH IT.
• Douchebags who think it's cool to bring an assault rifle to a political rally "because [they] can". Ahhhh, the Second Amendment. "Building Self-Esteem For Men With Small Pee-pees Since 1791."
• Nightmares. - Don't know what my subconscious has been trying to work out lately, but... damn.
• $2.25 a ride.
• Michael Vick signing with the Eagles. Fuck him, fuck them AND, in case you're sitting there thinking "Hey, listen, the guy made a mistake but he paid his debt to society blah-blah", then howsabout I come over to your house, hang, beat and electrocute one of your pets, and then see if you can muster that same response when I'm out of jail in 19 months. Oh, and by the way... Calling a wrong number or not putting a stamp on an envelope is a MISTAKE. Murdering a fucking DOG isn't. Idiot.

That said, I simply...

CAN'T GET ENOUGH

• Mad Men season premiere. - So cruel to make us wait a whole week for the next one.
• Thunder and lightning. - There are few things sexier than a crazy summer downpour.
• Pizza from Apicius.
• TimeOut New York. - LOVING getting caught up on the issues I missed while I was gone.
• U2360 video teasers.
• My wife. - She's awesome, right? I know.
• "Synecdoche, New York". - Pure genius. The Missus and I are still talking about this one.
  
• The new Jack Penate. - Album's available on eMusic, iTunes and at your local independent record store. Just go buy it. Have I ever steered you wrong before?
  
  
  

And this. I mean, it's a bird petting a cat. What's not to love?

Bird Pets Cat @ Yahoo! Video

R.I.P., Most Important Person in Rock'n'Roll History

Les Paul

1915-2009

L.A. Epilogue

Made it out of L.A. on the first flight Friday with no problems. Go figure.

Didn't book "House", which was no surprise given what they were ostensibly looking for. But, again. The call itself was the main win and as Yogalia pointed out, it takes some people a really long time to get an audition in L.A., let alone a network audition. So, I'll take the experience for what it was and hope it means there will be more calls down the road.

To those of you who I missed this round (Dup, Hil, Spacepants, etc.), I'm sorry we didn't get to connect. But if there's one thing I know for certain, I will be back in your neck of the woods for one reason or another some time soon.

I'm sure I will be digesting this trip for some time to come. As my NY life begins to officially take back the reins I'm sure I will be fighting to keep the experience from floating away, but for right now the sensory elements of it are still very fresh in my consciousness.

So there you have it. After almost 6 action-packed weeks, I am home.

What's next is anyone's guess.

Thanks for taking the ride with me.

-IMBA

L.A. Dispatch - Addendum

Um, yeah... So... I'm still here.

I'll give you the nut of it as succinctly as I can. Tried to leave on the first flight out of LAX on Monday. Got there at 4:30 am. Trying to use a Delta "buddy pass" which involves flying standby. Could. NOT. Get on. ANYTHING.

At 4:20 PEE EM, I'm about to finally make it onto a flight to Salt Lake when I get an e-mail from Actor's Access with an audition request from the CD's for "House". For the NEXT DAY. Much scrambling ensues. And of course my luggage had managed to make it out on the first flight of the day.

The audition went well, though I don't think I'm completely right for the part. And given that it was ONE LINE, they were probably looking more for type than chops anyway. (Conservative business executive? REALLY?) BUT... they CALLED ME IN. An unrepresented actor who'd only been in town for a month. (Cue the scene in Breakfast Club where Anthony Michael Hall gives himslef a congratulatory punch in the arm after writing the letter.)

So, here I am.In absolute limbo. Broke, exhausted and only recently reunited with my luggage. BIG thanks to M.J. and Tera for letting me extend my stay unexpectedly. Total saving angels. AND to Drew and Michelle for graciuosly lending me their rad Toyota Yaris for a few days.

So, um.... Yeah. Your guess is as good as mine as to what the hell's going on. Monday was a clear reminder of the old joke: The best way to make God laugh? Tell him your plans...

Can. Not. WAIT.

It Might Get Loud Trailer
by wallyz75

Final L.A. Dispatch - 8/2 - Last Thoughts

Seems hard to believe we've arrived at the final L.A. dispatch.  A full month. Might as well have been a week. Or an hour.  Again with the whole mutability of time thing.  

Given that it's 11:30pm and I have to get up at 3am to head to the airport, I don't have a full-blown post in me. Just a few final thoughts on my time here....

• My last day was spent returning my rental car and packing, followed by sushi dinner with M.J. and Tera in Marina del Rey. After, we grabbed some Cold Stone in Venice and took a sunset stroll along the pier. Perfect way to end the month. 

• To be honest, I'm having pretty mixed feelings about heading back to my NY life right now.  L.A.'s really been making a case for itself in the past few days.  I think I've just started adjusting to the SoCal lifestyle and am finding myself enjoying it in a way I hadn't expected. As M.J. put it, "It looks good on you."  I think a month away from my job, NYC summertime humidity, rain, noise, antagonism and crowds has had more of an effect on me than I've realized. 

• I've met some really cool people out here and have found myself much more at ease meeting new people than I usually am.  One of the cool people I met is a friend of Eion and Raf's named Dave. Dave is a photographer and music producer with a super sweet studio space on Hollywood and Cahuenga. (His website is pretty rad.) I mention him in particular because he produced an album by an artist named Kerli, a young, Estonian, Bjork-tinged,  emo/pop starlet whose music (for the most part) is totally not my cup of tea. However, I got COMPLETELY HOOKED a song of hers called "The Creationist" which has been stuck in my head for two weeks now and has become the defacto theme for my entire trip. Two versions of the song are below: the studio version and an adorable webcam video made in Dave's studio (and featuring Dave in the background) that Kerli made for a sick fan whose sister wrote her a letter.  There is NO LOGICAL REASON FOR ME TO LIKE THIS SONG. But for some reason, I DO.

• I have come to really enjoy the weather here. 

• I got a haircut from someone other than my NY stylist for the first time in about 12 years.

•  I did not get to explore L.A.'s donut culture in the way I had hoped. I'll put it on the list for next time. 

• I went to Amoeba Records twice.  I found three out-of-print albums that I'd been looking for for years.  In the USED section. For $5-$7 each.  If heaven has a record store, I can't imagine it being much better than Amoeba. 

• I am fairly dreading returning to my job at the American Express Company, BUT am VIGILANTLY attempting to reframe my approach to that situation and the feelings surrounding it to avoid falling right back into a Pavlovian pattern of knee-jerk despair. 
  

• I deeply value the chance I had to reconnect with my L.A. friends. I will miss them dearly.

• I very much look forward to reconnecting with my NY friends.  I have missed them dearly. 

• Beyond anything else, I need some face time with my wife. Right now, each of us is a table with a missing leg trying to hold a lot of heavy shit. 

In the end, I'll simply say THANK YOU, Los Angeles.  Your charms did not go unnoticed. Nor did your shortcomings.  But in the end, the person who leaves you is not the same person who landed 33 days ago. 

And that's a very good thing.

-IMBA

L.A. Dispatch - 7/30: Winding Down

All evening long I've been trying to shake an impending feeling of melancholy as I'm trying to process the fact that the L.A. Experiment is coming to a close. The opening strains of "One For My Baby (And One More For The Road)" have literally been bouncing around my head all night. (The live mid-70's Sinatra version with the Nelson Riddle arrangement, of course. The one he sings, cigarette in hand, playing drunker and sleepier as the song goes on. A Channel 13 fundraising drive classic.)

First: a recap of the past few days. 

• Been getting in fairly regular runs, which feels great. 
  
• Did some pro-bono consulting for Eion and Raf last week re: a potentially ridiculously cool opportunity for their project. (Will expand on that down the road if it comes to pass, at which point the "pro-bono" pun can be fully appreciated.) 
• Played tennis with Willis in Griffith Park on Sunday. Haven't really ever played, but... I have to say... as it turns out... I'm not very good. But I had a blast and it was fantastic exercise. 
• Sent my laptop rental back on Tuesday, followed by a drive up the PCH to Zuma Beach. One of the most perfect marriages of drive and soundtrack ever. 
• Second workshop with Russell Scott (Lie to Me, Breaking Bad) last night. Mock producer's session. Put my sides up against three other guys and was chosen as the guy who'd ultimately get the part. Second experience with the whole "mock producer's session" setup and the second time I was chosen. Not tooting a horn, just taking the info and running with it. 
• Second workshop with Todd Sherry (Chuck, Human Target) tonight. Really amazing teacher.  Tons of nuggets.  Aced my scene. No adjustments and an enthusiastic verbal thumbs-up to my work. 
• Ending the night at Darkroom with Lindsay Lohan and John Hamm. 
  

So, yeah. Here I sit. Musing, replaying, digesting, questioning. Recognizing all the while that evaluating this experience before it's even concluded is akin to writing a review of a play based on a tech rehearsal. I'm fully convinced that the nut of the L.A. Experiment won't be sussed for some time to come.

Would I have LIKED to have gotten a meeting with a legit agent within the 4 weeks I was here based on the mass mailing I did a week prior? Yes. Would I LIKE to get a call from one of the 13 CD's I've now met for an audition BEFORE I LEAVE? Of course. Do I wish we had the funds to keep me here a couple more weeks to sow more seeds and tend the ones I've already sprinkled? Well, sure. These would all be more readily measurable ways of evaluating the efficacy of this trip. And yet... I don't know how valuable that line of questioning is. Especially since I'm STILL HERE. And ANY one of these CD's could call me at ANY time. Tomorrow, three months, two years. Not a supposition, just the nature of the business.

While I have no ultimate summation of what the past month has "meant", I will simply say that the basic idea has been served...  The idea of rebooting myself. Of physically lifting myself out of the rut I'd carved in NY.  Of putting myself in front of industry folks and DELIVERING. Of investigating Los Angeles and all it has to offer.

I have a new lens.  I have a fresh attitude about the pros and cons of both L.A. and NY.  I have renewed confidence in my own work.  I got a BREAK from the grind.  

And right now, that's feeling okay...

-IMBA

L.A. Dispatch - 7/25

The workshop wave began this week. Started Monday night with my (thank God) LAST session at TVI. Lauren Fernandes from Heidi Leavitt Casting. They cast mostly features. Lots of indies and some studio stuff, including several Oliver Stone pics. My scene was weird and the level of talent was unusually low, even by TVI's usually low standards. Followed up with an email the next day and she responded surprisingly quickly with a positive shoutout to my reel.

Wednesday began my residency at Act Now!, which touts itself as the "most exclusive networking outlet in L.A." (AND, I would argue, the most unfortunately named.) That said, the experience at Act Now as compared to TVI was like night and day. Of course there's duds in every workshop, but by and large the participants at Act Now seem to KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING, which was refreshing.

Wednesday night - First of 2 intensives with Russell Scott, associate CD for "Lie to Me" and "Breaking Bad". Great guy, seems to know his way around a scene. Liked the work.

Thursday night - First of 2 intensives with Todd Sherry of Patrick Rush casting. CD for "Chuck". AMAZING class. TONS of useful nuggets re: auditioning for TV. Really good-hearted and funny guy. Second workshop with someone from that office and I like the way they do things. Got a call the next morning from my Act Now rep saying that Todd made specific mention of me in his eval form and that apparently I stood out and made an impression. Spent the rest of the morning on the phone with The Missus weighing the likelihood of getting a call for "Chuck" before I bail and briefly brainstorming ways to keep me here a week or two longer. I say "briefly" because the numbers quickly revealed themselves to be not-at-all cooperative. Regardless, I added it to the list of shows I need to familiarize myself with on Hulu.

This morning - First of two intensives with Stephanie Laffin, CD for "House". Funny, brassy and matter-of-fact, her contributions were more anecdotal than practical, but one of my questions did lead her to take a look at my resume, which elicited a round of "Oh, you worked with Gus, love him... Oh, you know Suzanne, love her... ", etc. ANYTHING you can do to distinguish/legitimize yourself is a boon. Not a game I like to play, but a game I've learned I simply HAVE to play. She responded to the work and gave me a "nice to meet you, I'll tell Suzanne I met you" on the way out. "Suzanne" being Suzanne Ryan, head CD for L&O. In my head I thought, "Yeah, actually, please don't. Because I'm going to be hitting her up for L&O work in a little over a week and YOU'RE supposed to think I'm LIVING here."

Basically, I'm living a double life right now. I am cheating on NY with LA and praying neither of them finds out about the other. The push and pull of this has been taking a toll over the past week and solidly landed after this morning's workshop. I've essentially added a new level of duality to my already-dual existence. Day job v. career pursuit and now LA v. NY. The efforts I make toward designing a fully-integrated life have DISintegrated me that much more.

And today the braindrain reached a fever pitch.

I took a break from the mental back'n'forth with a nap this afternoon and am back in workitout mode at Three of Clubs on Santa Monica and Vine. Made popular by being featured in "Swingers", but sleepy and sparse on this particular Saturday night.

Missing The Missus. Monumentally. Sort of obvious, but the pangs are no less sharp.

All Hamleting aside, I have had some less-than-minor revelations this week. Which I will get into in another post.

For now, it's time to load the jukebox...

-IMBA

"No, Ms. Burn... Thank YOU."

An excerpt from Veils bassist Sophia Burn's latest blog post regarding the L.A. show and how she wishes she could thank her fans...

"...I suppose one of the things we could do is play a good show, and as far as being happy with how a show goes, it couldn't get much better than spaceland. One of my favourites of all time, that one."

One of mine too, sister...

One of mine too.

L.A. Dispatch - 7/23: Dustin' off the ol' Bogosian...

Okay, so after Miss Shanti Town herself got an agent to give her a second look with a video monologue (after which, he called her in for a second meeting and then SIGNED HER), I figured it was time to renew my old Scene Interactive subscription and repost my video monologue.

Bottom line is, any quick and easy opportunity they have to get a sense of you is a good thing. I'd long since pooh-pooh'd the idea of this being a valid marketing tool, but every CD I've met so far has welcomed any and all reel materials as a way to check you out.

So, here goes... Gotta do some major updates to my page, but below is the work itself. Rockin' a different look at the time, but I think it holds up pretty well.

Okay, so...

I'm not still not sure where I land with the new album, BUT... I'm getting STOKED for the show...

L.A. Dispatch - Saturday, 7/18

Alright, so maybe the idea of doing DAILY dispatches was wrong-headed to begin with. Alas, here are the high points from the last few days followed by pictures below...

Wednesday:
Had lunch in Los Feliz with my old Diner Theatre co-star Colleen Cavanaugh and her ADORABLE little boy Jasper. Very nice to touch base after 15 years.

Wednesday Night:
Went to see The Veils at Spaceland in Silver Lake. I'll start with the venue. Great space. Just a straight up rock'n'roll bar with a small stage and an enclosed upper area where you can actually SMOKE without having to leave the building. Great vibe, accessible, no pretense. My kinda place.

Moments after entering, I noticed Veils bass player Sophia (small crush) setting up the merch table. A reminder that the band is not as big as I keep thinking they should be. We rapped briefly about their last two NY shows and she was happy to oblige a cellphone snapshot. (Which turned out brilliantly as you'll see below. We desperately need a new camera. Ours is basically the digital equivalent of a goddamn daguerreotype.)

I gave each opening band one song with which to impress me, but each failed miserably so I hung out mainly in the upstairs lounge through both sets.

Then, The Veils. AMAZING show. Finn was on fire. And even though the band doesn't have quite the fan base here that they do in NY, the place was still enthusiastically packed. I'd give you a full play-by-play, but this L.A. Times review of the show pretty much nails it. Exhilirating.

The bulk of the crowd left immediately after the show, so when the band bellied up to the bar I had a chance to chat with Sophia again and briefly with Finn, who also graciously granted a blurry cell snap. Amazing band, great venue, really satisfying show.

Thursday Evening:
Dinner with Drew and family in Toluca Lake. Really good to catch up after, like, 6 years?? Bonkers. Drew made manicotti stuffed with herbed goat cheese and a bunch of random vegetarian materials during which we polished off a bottle of chianti. Both the meal and the wine were pretty great.

Friday:
At this point I'd been in L.A. for two weeks and hadn't yet made it to the beach. There's something truly unnatural-feeling about spending an entire day at a computer when it's in the upper 70's and sunny out. This was starting to wear on me and I decided that a trip to the ocean was becoming a moral imperative.

The 10 dumps out right by the Santa Monica pier and since I'd never been, I figured it was worth a wander. I'd heard the beach at Santa Monica wasn't the best but, frankly, compared to the Rockaways it was paradise. After a stroll on the pier, I parked myself in the sand and spent a few hours vacating.

Friday Night:
Raf hatched the idea the other night to have an impromptu mini-AADA reunion. I was dubious about what kind of a group we could cobble together on such short notice, but figured even if it was just me, M.J., Raf and Eion, it'd be worth doing. Raf suggested Delancey on Sunset, which turned out to be a great pick. I was able to reserve a table outside. Ended up being an intimate group, but we had a blast catching up.

A friend of Eion's joined us and after drinks we ended up at his surprisingly NY-feeling recording studio/loft space on Hollywood and Cahuenga. A good time was had by all. Some nostalgia was inevitable, but the conversation centered mainly on the present and we all reconnected with ease.

Today:
Workshops today with Jeffrey Drew from Patrick Rush Casting (Chuck, Privileged, Men in Trees, The O.C., Everwood and the new series Human Target) and Katie Piel from Webster/Weisberg Casting (Criminal Minds, Leverage, Lost, CSI, Alias and Dylan McDermott’s new series Dark Blue. They also cast films including the new Star Trek). Both intensives were at TVI (blech).

My sides for Jeffrey Drew were fun and he responded with particular enthusiasm to my work. Honestly, I don't see how he couldn't given how low the bar was set by the rest of the participants. He said his office casts 60-80% of their episodic co-stars and guest stars from these kinds of workshops.

Katie Piel was straight-forward and no-nonsense. Silly scene, but she said it was "perfect" and didn't give any adjustments. Feels good to at least finally be plugging in in a tangible way.

Tonight:
Solo beer at Little Bar after an unexpected evening nap. I was nodding off all day, so I figured I'd close my eyes for a bit when I got home. Woke up at 8:30. I hate naps. They're completely disorienting. Not at all refreshing. They make me feel oogy.

Tomorrow is essentially free despite some personal errands, budgeting, a run, etc.

Monday begins some hardcore door-knocking. Have to try and follow up more aggressively with the folks I met in March and let them know that I'MHEREANDI'MNOTFUCKINGAROUND, so CALLMEIN,FUCKERS.

Jury's still out on what I'm actually accomplishing here professionally. Only time will tell if it was worth the time and effort. Bottom line is, I simply can't concern myself with that. The ONLY thing I can do is hustle in as focused a manner as possible and then LET IT GO.


Easier said than done.


The clatter of my daily N.Y. life seems very far away, which I'm finding simulatneously refreshing and heart-wrenching. The dichotomy of my life there - The Missus, our animals, our apartment, the City VS. the dayjob/career struggle - is coming into even clearer focus out here. I am very acutely missing my wife and our shared world and at the same time am also feeling deliciously distant from the grind. How that feeling will evolve and what it will eventually ask of me, I don't know.

But I do know this... Something in me is beginning to dislodge.

I'm not sure I can put a name to it. But I'm hoping whatever it is is something I've needed to let go of for a long time.

- IMBA

Colleen and the superadorable Jasper.

Finn of The Veils doing "The Letter".

Sophia of The Veils during "Larkspur".

Me and my girlfriend Sophia.

Me with The Missus' boyfriend Finn.

Drew's daughter Gabriella. Cutey, much?

I decided to take the day off from directing porn to get a little sun.

Santa Monica pier.

Laura breaks it down for M.J.

Kara regales the boys.

Eion

Eion, Raf, Kara

M.J. and Laura

L.A. Dispatch - Sunday, 7/12

First workshop at TVI yesterday. John Barba from Lisa Fields Casting. TVI has a rep in NY for being notoriously schnick-schnock and the L.A. outpost was no different. The bottom of the barrell in terms of participants since there's no real audition process. Every bad/desperate/failed actor stereotype was in attendance. And the whole thing was totally disorganized. That said, the guest was great. NY expat. Theatre background. Got his start in L.A. at LaJolla Playhouse then made the leap to film working on P.T. Anderson movies. Helped cast each one since "Magnolia". Has a lot of major credits and a lot of projects in the works. The sides he picked were totally wrong for me, but he really liked what I did with them. Loved the fact that I was a Meisner-trained NY actor. Also, it seems a Law & Order credit carries a lot more weight out here than it does in the City. Go figure.

Met Rich at a party in N. Hollywood. Left early, but was psyched to have a chance to catch up after, like, 10 years.

Intended to tackle some outdoor activities today but thanks to a late night and a hearty dose of Nyquil, I managed to sleep until 1pm. Genius.

Meeting Raf for drinks in the hills tonight. Yes, it's a real place and yes, it's full of those kinds of people. Not my scene, but close to Eion's place. Sidebar: I should take a moment to shill for their latest project. Entertainment Weekly called Imagine This! the "best show not yet on TV". Raf gave me a screener copy when I was here in March and I have to say, the pilot is pretty damn impressive. Trailer's below. Raf directed, Eion hosts. They've got a lot of traction toward getting it on the air, but if you want help support check out the website (also below).

Officially been away from home for 2 full weeks now. Still caught in this weird funhouse mirror of time-perception. But now that I've got a decent schedule of workshops on the calendar, I'm feeling less scrambly. Going to make a point of taking advantage of what the area has to offer in my downtime. Have beach trips and hikes planned in my head and will try to get one or both in some time this week. Have been jogging every other day and have made some serious dietary changes and am finding this whole not-having-a-dayjob thing quite agreeable.

(sigh)

- IMBA

Trailer for Imagine This!

Find more videos like this on Imagine This! TV

L.A. Dispatch - Wednesday, 7/8

I had a conversation with The Missus this afternoon about the mutability of time. Or at least the mutability of our perception of it. How a particular number of days or weeks can simultaneously drag on and on AND seemingly disappear in an instant.

In the context of what I am trying to accomplish here, it's as if the pages of the day-at-a-glance calendar are flying wildly off the wall in rapid succession and I'm desperately trying to grab them in midair, slap them back on and glue them secure.

I have been in Los Angeles for exactly a week. And today it hit me exactly how little time I have here. And then, of course, the inevitable flood of What-the-fuck-am-I-doing-here?'s. So far, I don't have nearly the networking opportunities lined up for myself that I was hoping to by this point. And that's making me feel anxious and disjointed.

I did manage to arrange interviews with two different networking groups today. One for tomorrow and one for Friday. Both require cold-read auditions, which shouldn't be a problem. So, hopefully by next week I can actually start getting in front of some actual casting people.

Nevertheless, I can hear the clock ticking.

And I have to stay clear about what I can realistically accomplish with this trip. When I first started entertaining the notion o f another L.A. stab, I used one criteria as my gauge for what would have to happen to make this venture "worth doing". The basic thought was this: If someone were to tell me they were planning on coming to New York for "a month or two" to try and get the ball rolling on an acting career, I would laugh heartily, clap them on the back and tell them, "Listen... You're either doing it or you're not doing it. You want to work here, you gotta BE HERE. Figure out what your priorities are and then commit." And by that standard, I obviously knew that I wasn't going to come here for a month (or two) and book a series regular.

So what The Missus and I had to decide was, Is it worth it to jump through all the hoops we need to jump through to get me out here to simply sow some seeds? Would it be worth it to just get me here, do a mailing, follow up with the people I met in March, take advantage of whatever networking opportunities I could line up and just see what kind of nibbles I get?

And we decided, yes.

We decided to play it by ear and have some faith. We decided that putting any pressure on specific outcomes would guarantee that the whole venture would be a monumental waste of time. It had to be okay for this to simply be an adventure. A sabbatical. An opportunity to spend a concentrated amount of time in L.A. and see how I feel about it. To plug myself in. To spread myself around. To give 8 hours a day to MY pursuits rather than giving 8 hours a day to American Express's pursuits.

To get lost.

Get a tan.

To reconnect with west coast friends I never get to see.

To run on the beach.

To drive the PCH.

To eat fish tacos.

Or whatever.

This was the idea.

But tonight I'm finding it necessary to really remind myself of that. Because I'm getting itchy. And antsy. And scrambly. And outcome-obsessed.

And I can not allow it.

There's simply not enough time.

-IMBA

L.A. Dispatch - Monday, 7/6

Over the past few years this caption has become a regular refrain during my own crusty Pekar moments. And if I weren't currently making such a conscious effort to reboot my thinking, it would surely have been on the tip of my tongue on my way out the door of Brass Artists & Associates yesterday afternoon.

Given the fact that A) they called me in based on a cold mailing and 2) I've never actively pursued commercial representation, this was ostensibly going to be an egoless, loosey-goosey, let's-just-see-what-they-have-in-mind affair. (As if anything involving actors and potential career opportunities could ever be "egoless".)

The idea behind yesterday's "meeting" is that I would be put on camera reading one PSA and one bit of commercial copy and then, after reviewing the tape in a few days, they would decide if they want to call me in for an actual meeting. The setup: Slate, Deliver the copy, Give a brief overview of your union status and commercial training, Re-slate, Get the fuck out.

Simple, right?

In theory, yes.

But yesterday was a different story.

First off, I thought I'd shaken this infernal cold.

Second, I THOUGHT I'D SHAKEN THIS INFERNAL FUCKING COLD.

Third, I just plain blew it.

I felt pretty good all day Sunday, so I stopped taking any medicine figuring that whatever remained of my cold would be gone by Monday morning. It wasn't. In fact, it was quite present. Drippy nose, rattly chest and an obnoxious cough. My energy wasn't anywhere near the level or quality I needed for such a venture. I was simply NOT 100%.

On top of that, I sabotaged myself. I got there 25 minutes early. Plenty of time to get situated, fill out forms, look over the copy, etc. I sat down, filled out the forms, returned them and had JUST started looking over the copy when one of the assistants comes out and asks if I'm ready OR... if I need another few minutes to look it over. NOW.... The correct answer to this is B: I need a few more minutes to look it over. Unfortunately, this is not the answer I came up with. In a split-second maneuver, I decided it would behoove me to not sit there for another ten minutes going over and over the same bit of text for fear of letting it get stale, stiff and rote by the time I got in front of the camera. I figured why not just go in now, keep it loose, fresh and fluid and don't overthink it. It's not the way I usually work, but hey - I'm all about trying new things. Sounds reasonable, right?

Absolutely not. YOU CAN ONLY KEEP TEXT LOOSE AND FRESH AND FLUID IF YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCKING TEXT IS, ASSHOLE.

There's a thin line between stepping outside of yourself and betraying yourself. And yesterday, I learned that lesson for hopefully the last time.

Basically, I was a sickly, addled mess. My energy was weird, my voice was tight, the whole read was off.

And, it's FINE. It's part of the business. It's part of life. Sometimes you just blow it. It's OKAY. And if it weren't okay, I probably would have quit doing this 10 years ago.

What did sting about yesterday though, was this: They didn't get to see my work.

If I'm able to walk into a room and do my work and they don't respond, fine. I'm so okay with that. I held up my end of the bargain, the rest is out of my control. But if, through some stupid mistake or bit of self-sabotage, I leave a room and know that what I put in front of them was slapdash or general or nerve-addled or obstacle-ridden, then that's on me. Sick or otherwise. That's bus league shit. Which is why the One on One workshops in March felt like such a win. Because I knew that all 15 of those CD's, agents and managers got to see ME. And that's all you can ever really ask for.

I would be quite surprised if these guys called me in for a second meeting, which is also fine. I think at this point if they did call me, I would find their whole operation a little suspect.

I guess the primary takeaway from yesterday is that normally a bungle like that would have elicited a hearty "Now there's a reliable disappointment." Instead, I ended the day shaking it off with some In'n'Out followed by a bit of Monday night karaoke at a little bar on LaBrea called Little Bar. It's within walking distance of home base which makes it a strong contender for becoming my local watering hole while I'm here.

Still working out my daily routine, but have started sending out submissions and am getting somewhat into the groove of L.A. life.

Somewhat.

-IMBA

L.A. - Day 4(th of July)

A big win yesterday in my search for quintessentially L.A. experiences. Started by meeting Willis at his and Lia's new sublet in Silver Lake. Was introduced to the unlikely deliciousness of Tecate on ice with lime and salt. Who knew?

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From there we moved on to the festivities Willis had lined up for us. A BBQ and pool party in San Marino. Turns out a friend of his from Seattle just happened to be house-sitting for the creator of SpongeBob Squarepants. You know, like ya do. Of course, the house was amazing. Met a lot of old friends of Paul and Kip's from their Seattle days, so while I was meeting these folks for the first time, each had a familiarity to them that made acquainting myself easy. Perfect weather, good food, plenty of beer and sangria, fluid conversation and a salt water pool. What more could one ask for on our nation's birthday. (Pics here.)

Am taking Sunday easy. Laying low and prepping as best I can for tomorrow's meeting. Have no idea what to expect or what a commercial agent might have in mind for me, but I guess I'll find out. What little I've been able to ascertain, I found on their website. You can check them out here.

Into the unknown...

-IMBA

L.A. Dispatch - Day 3

Still sick. Nose shredded from blowing, chest full of gunk. Awesome. Not the way I wanted to start my adventure. HOWEVER, I did get my Backstage online subscription today, filled out my profile, uploaded headshot, resume and reel and am ready for business.

Had dinner at the Bungalow Club on Melrose with Laura. Crap service, trollop-y wait staff, but good cheap wine by the bottle and delicious happy hour nosh options.

Spending the 4th with Willis. Apparently he has a friend who's house-sitting at some fancypants place in San Marino. Willis and Lia are now renting a place in Silver Lake, so I'll finally have an excuse to explore that area.

Still feel like I'm on vacation. Monday will change that.

For now, I have to say... I'm okay with feeling like I'm on vacation.

-IMBA