L.A. Dispatch - Wednesday, 7/8

I had a conversation with The Missus this afternoon about the mutability of time. Or at least the mutability of our perception of it. How a particular number of days or weeks can simultaneously drag on and on AND seemingly disappear in an instant.

In the context of what I am trying to accomplish here, it's as if the pages of the day-at-a-glance calendar are flying wildly off the wall in rapid succession and I'm desperately trying to grab them in midair, slap them back on and glue them secure.

I have been in Los Angeles for exactly a week. And today it hit me exactly how little time I have here. And then, of course, the inevitable flood of What-the-fuck-am-I-doing-here?'s. So far, I don't have nearly the networking opportunities lined up for myself that I was hoping to by this point. And that's making me feel anxious and disjointed.

I did manage to arrange interviews with two different networking groups today. One for tomorrow and one for Friday. Both require cold-read auditions, which shouldn't be a problem. So, hopefully by next week I can actually start getting in front of some actual casting people.

Nevertheless, I can hear the clock ticking.

And I have to stay clear about what I can realistically accomplish with this trip. When I first started entertaining the notion o f another L.A. stab, I used one criteria as my gauge for what would have to happen to make this venture "worth doing". The basic thought was this: If someone were to tell me they were planning on coming to New York for "a month or two" to try and get the ball rolling on an acting career, I would laugh heartily, clap them on the back and tell them, "Listen... You're either doing it or you're not doing it. You want to work here, you gotta BE HERE. Figure out what your priorities are and then commit." And by that standard, I obviously knew that I wasn't going to come here for a month (or two) and book a series regular.

So what The Missus and I had to decide was, Is it worth it to jump through all the hoops we need to jump through to get me out here to simply sow some seeds? Would it be worth it to just get me here, do a mailing, follow up with the people I met in March, take advantage of whatever networking opportunities I could line up and just see what kind of nibbles I get?

And we decided, yes.

We decided to play it by ear and have some faith. We decided that putting any pressure on specific outcomes would guarantee that the whole venture would be a monumental waste of time. It had to be okay for this to simply be an adventure. A sabbatical. An opportunity to spend a concentrated amount of time in L.A. and see how I feel about it. To plug myself in. To spread myself around. To give 8 hours a day to MY pursuits rather than giving 8 hours a day to American Express's pursuits.

To get lost.

Get a tan.

To reconnect with west coast friends I never get to see.

To run on the beach.

To drive the PCH.

To eat fish tacos.

Or whatever.

This was the idea.

But tonight I'm finding it necessary to really remind myself of that. Because I'm getting itchy. And antsy. And scrambly. And outcome-obsessed.

And I can not allow it.

There's simply not enough time.

-IMBA