Sexually Explicit Spam of the Day

Every day, like most Americans, I receive between 1 and 15 spam e-mails of some sort of sexually explicit nature. I'm sure you've received some yourself. (Yes, you.)

The titles of most of them make me laugh out loud. It makes you wonder if someone actually took the time to come up with these subject lines or if a computer randomly assembled them from a set of predetermined keywords in a sort of pornographic tip-of-the-hat to "Mad Libs".

Today I bring you the first in what will be an ongoing series of posts in which I feature some of my favorite cybersex come-ons.

Hence Sexually Explicit Spam of the Day #1:

From: gaineschris27@ yahoo.co.uk
Subj. Sailors and skanks on the high seas! oophyte

Which begs the following questions...

• Is Chris Gaines a real 27 yr old in the UK who wants me to see this? Or some poor schmuck who got his e-mail address highjacked to send smut out into the world?
• How did the sailors and the skanks end up on the high seas together? Was it a cruise? Or some sort of co-ed fishing expedition gone awry?
• "Oophyte." A newly developed chemical lubricant? Some overheard onomonopeia from the excursion? Or a scientific classification for people who enjoy sex on a boat?

If I wasn't absolutely certain it'd automatically erase my entire hard drive, I might just open the message and find out...